Calcutta (Kolkata) Captured
Kolkata... The last city in our expedition. When we arrived via the overnight train (which was a delightful experience in of itself), the bustling metropolis greeted our already-exhausted senses by way of pungent pollution, beggars, and abandoned children. A whirlwind of "new," finding the strength to make the most of those last five days was perhaps the biggest obstacle, especially as our schedule was fairly open and excursions were optional. Our group stayed quite involved with one another, making daily trips to Blue Sky Café (a familiar-to-westerners diner a couple blocks from our hotel) for banana pancakes and muesli curd. Other activities included volunteering at Mother Theresa's, a guided tour through the city and the idol-makers district, and getting Henna from ladies in the street.
Excerpts from a journal:
"On our way home... Only about two more hours until Chicago. We just had our last airline meal and I really can't bear to watch another movie, so I'll try to sum up my thoughts. It's really quite difficult to even put this trip into words. Perhaps because I can't really sort it all inside my own head, but really I think it's just most difficult to articulate such profound and heartfelt realizations (etc.). There's a lot that I wrote earlier on- which I am super thankful for- but toward the end, in Kolkata, I had no energy or frame of mind to be as inquisitive or clarified in my thoughts-let alone in my journal. I'm going to just be okay with the fact that I won't have written an entry for every single day... It feels a shame that I didn't have so much vigor to experience Kolkata with... There was so much I could have done better with a rested mind/heart.
It's funny- when we first got to India and I was journaling so investigatively, I was like, 'If only I would have done this/been this way while living in Spain. I would have been so much more aware.' But I forgot how tired the brain gets. It's so weird. Because even after getting good sleep and numerous naps, I don't feel clear or ambitious. I remember that feeling-inescapable- while in Madrid and how tired I was, constantly absorbing and constantly on guard. It's true that being in a different culture simply takes a lot of energy. Even after nine months I had times of being out of my element, never feeling super "at ease." So how do you achieve that, come to a place of peace and belonging, regardless of where you are? Being calm and unguarded, while still being active in learning?
Also, though, this trip was a true eye-opener to how not-so-difficult Spain was as far as 'culture shock.' They're generally very similar to the United States in that they are quite developed and there really isn't much devastation or deeply-rooted polar-opposite thinking (like in India). So where would be better to live? Somewhere that I can better relate to but still be challenged and in a different place (Europe), or somewhere that really challenges me on all sorts of levels but will take more time to understand and is a bigger risk to actually make an impact (Asia)? In pursuing a sort of missions lifestyle, how do you choose where to go, unselfishly but also realistically? I don't want to go somewhere just because it's a 'challenge' and I feel the need to make my life's purpose a duty. I should be passionate about the place and enjoy it, too, right? Though, I could 'enjoy' anything- I could find passion and purpose and enjoyment in living literally anywhere. So my question is really more about the decision itself. It's really great that we have so much freedom to choose but sometimes I truly think it'd be easier to just be given an assignment flat out and work with it.
That's something quite profound in Indian culture- they don't (because there isn't a lot of upward mobility or freedom/privilege to 'dream' like we have) worry about this or that, they just deal with what they're presented with. Sometimes I wish I were in a place that I had less room to be discontent. Yet, how ignorant of me to say, right? So then, how do I take advantage of and utilize the privilege of choice that I have, and all the immense riches that I have at my fingertips every day to better the lives of those who could benefit fro my help? And not simply for the sake of 'good deeds.' How can I actually help? See the thing is, does-on a large scale- my 'help' only expose their depravity? Are they better off being unaware of their need?"
